The People

Bad Week

Molly Sugden (above) died aged 86. As Mrs Slocombe in TV's Are You Being Served? she had an endless supply of double entendres about her pussy. She'll be sadly missed, and I'm unanimous in this! Staff at a Florida animal sanctuary have ruled Michael Jackson's ex-pet chimp Bubbles is too aggressive to attend the star's funeral.

Good Week

The Queen announces she will honour all who gave their lives for their country with the new Elizabeth Cross in the same week Lt Col Rupert Thorneloe and Trooper Joshua Hammond are killed in Afghanistan. Victoria and David Beckham celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary yesterday in the Seychelles. Ten years of wedded bliss traditionally means a gift made from tin but today's alternative is diamonds. Phew!

That's a Real Swell Look, Zoe ; Is It Baby No 2?

LIFE looks blooming good for Zoe Ball. She's landed a Radio 2 weekend breakfast slot and now looks like she's expecting MORE good news. Zoe, 38, showed signs of a tummy bulge as she carefully climbed into a car last week outside her Brighton home.

Madge's 02 Tribute

Money-Back Tickets Vow

ALL 750,000 fans who bought tickets to Jacko's 50 London gigs WILL be offered refunds, it was confirmed yesterday. Alternatively, they will have until August 14 to decide if they'd rather receive the pounds 50-pounds 75 special souvenir tickets featuring a mini-video of the star.

Off the Gest List

JACKO'S mum has banned her son's old pal David Gest and others she describes as "hangers-on" from the star's massive memorial service. Katherine, 79, has given organisers a list of people she does not want at the two-hour event at LA's Staples Centre.

Open Prison ; 'Fool' Warder Leaves Gate Unlocked

A BUNGLING guard left a gate open for more than two hours at a jail for lifers. But bosses let him off with a written warning - even though insiders said it was his fourth serious error.

Ice Queen in Safe Hands ; Love-Rat Goalie Seaman Nets Stunning Skate Star

LOVE-rat soccer legend David Seaman has been enjoying a secret fling with married Dancing On Ice beauty Frankie Poultney, The People can reveal. The pair were seen in a riverside flat last week before strolling hand-in-hand in the sunshine and kissing by a balcony.

In This Week's Take Easy Magazine

Baby Drug Death Rap

THE mother of a baby who died from a suspected methadone overdose has been charged over the death. Bonny Richards, 27, and an unnamed man, 30, are accused of administering poison to Holly, 14 months, with intent to endanger life.

On This Day ... July 5 in 1969

TOP 10 singles 1 Thunderclap Newman Something In The Air

Sailors in Sex Game

SAILORS said to have held a competition to bed women colleagues for cash prizes face an inquiry. Every conquest on the Australian navy flagship HMAS Success was given a value in dollars - with extra payments for bedding officers or lesbians.

Harry Potter Star Gets Swine Flu ; Rupert Quits Film As Toll to Hit 1m

HARRY Potter star Rupert Grint has been hit by swine flu - amid warnings the virus could infect ONE MILLION Brits by next month. The bug is now spreading so rapidly that today's UK toll of 7,500 - including four dead - is expected to rocket at an astonishing rate.

10 Tips to Avoid Virus

1 2 3 rub eyes or nose after touching an infected person. Keep hands clean. Cover your nose with a tissue (not your hands or a hanky) when you sneeze then throw it away. Avoid touching your eyes and nose. 4 5 6 Avoid contact with sick people or those showing symptoms of illness. Stay away from crowded places, especially if you have a weak immune system. If you can't do the above then consider buying a face mask. Follow Government advice on when and where to get vaccinated.

Roo'll Never See Me in My Undies ; Wayne Tells His Family: I'm Keeping My Kit On ... And We Want Five Kids

SOCCER hero Wayne Rooney has blasted former teammates David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo for their outlandish lifestyles, The People can reveal. In frank admissions to his favourite uncle, the England and Manchester United maestro told how he would never pose in underpants like Becks.

Noel: Pounds 1m Drugs Bill

OASIS rocker Noel Gallagher has boasted he spent a staggering pounds 1million on drugs - claiming it's "the most beautiful thing about being in a band". Noel, 42, revealed the only drug he had not taken was heroin - then branded Coldplay's Chris Martin an "idiot" for never trying any.

It's a Hair Cop

Last Vow of a Hero

THE heartbroken fiance of a British soldier killed in Afghanistan told yesterday how his final words to her were: "I'll come home safe." Emma Green, 19, last spoke to Trooper Joshua Hammond on June 22 - their second anniversary.

My Secret Life

Fish Die in Filth Flood

FISH stocks were decimated after torrential rain flushed 20,000 tons of raw sewage into the River Thames. The stinking filth poured into the water yards from where kids play on the banks of the river in west London.